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101 WAYS TO ANNOY PEOPLE
101 Ways to Annoy People
- Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
- In the memo field of all your checks, write "for
- Specify that your drive-through order is "to
- Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends
in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip
- If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with
your pen while talking to others.
- Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder
to your TV and then pointing it at the screen.
- Speak only in a "robot" voice.
- Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
- Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your
food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe
- Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark,
17 inch paper, 98 copies.
- Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
- Sniffle incessantly.
- Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
- Name your dog "Dog."
- Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running
in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
- Reply to everything someone says with "that's
what YOU think."
- Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as
part of your "astronaut training."
- Declare your apartment an independent nation, and
sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your
- Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the
listener it was a "real hoot."
- Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything
they touch with Lysol.
- Practice making fax and modem noises.
- Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers
and "cc:" them to your boss.
- Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
- Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations,
and see if people play along to avoid the appearance
- Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard,
and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."
- Finish all your sentences with the words "in
accordance with the prophesy."
- Wear a special hip holster for your remote control.
- Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences,
producing awkward silences with the impression that
you'll be saying more any moment.
- Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your
hands over your ears.
- Disassemble your pen and "accidentally"
flip the ink cartridge across the room.
- Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action
in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.
- Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
- Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people
are green, and insist to others that you "like
it that way."
- Drum on every available surface.
- Staple papers in the middle of the page.
- Ask 1-800 operators for dates.
- Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire
FBI copyright warnings.
- Sew anti-theft detector strips into peoples backpacks.
- Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
- Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first
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