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Funny Quote of the Day
101 WAYS TO ANNOY PEOPLE
Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
In the memo field of all your checks, write "for
sensual massage."
Specify that your drive-through order is "to
go."
Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends
in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip
Beeep Bip..."
If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with
your pen while talking to others.
Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder
to your TV and then pointing it at the screen.
Speak only in a "robot" voice.
Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your
food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe
your grub".
Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark,
17 inch paper, 98 copies.
Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
Sniffle incessantly.
Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
Name your dog "Dog."
Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running
in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
Reply to everything someone says with "that's
what YOU think."
Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as
part of your "astronaut training."
Declare your apartment an independent nation, and
sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your
airspace".
Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the
listener it was a "real hoot."
Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything
they touch with Lysol.
Practice making fax and modem noises.
Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers
and "cc:" them to your boss.
Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations,
and see if people play along to avoid the appearance
of ignorance.
Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard,
and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."
Finish all your sentences with the words "in
accordance with the prophesy."
Wear a special hip holster for your remote control.
Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences,
producing awkward silences with the impression that
you'll be saying more any moment.
Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your
hands over your ears.
Disassemble your pen and "accidentally"
flip the ink cartridge across the room.
Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action
in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.
Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people
are green, and insist to others that you "like
it that way."
Drum on every available surface.
Staple papers in the middle of the page.
Ask 1-800 operators for dates.
Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire
FBI copyright warnings.
Sew anti-theft detector strips into peoples backpacks.
Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first
page.
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