Due
to increasing products liability, alcoholic beverages manufacturers
have accepted the Medical Association's suggestion that
the following warning label be placed immediately on all
bottles:
Warning:
Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering
when you are not.
Warning: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor
in dancing like a w@nker.
Warning: Consumption
of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over
and over again until your friends want to smash your face
in.
Warning: Consumption
of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really
dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.
Warning: Consumption
of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened
to your clothes.
Warning: Consumption
of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse
with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.
Warning: Consumption of alcohol may cause
you to roll over in the morning and see something really
scary (whose name, and/or species you can't remember).
Warning: Consumption of alcohol is the leading
cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.
Warning: Consumption of alcohol may lead to traffic
signs and cones appearing in your home.
Warning: Consumption
of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.
Warning: Consumption
of alcohol may make you think you possess mystical Kung-Fu
powers.
Warning: Consumption of alcohol may lead you
to believe that people are laughing with you.
Warning: Consumption of alcohol may cause an
influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes
large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.
Warning: Consumption of alcohol may actually
cause pregnancy.
How Do You Decide Who To Marry
You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports,
she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips
and dip coming.
- Alan, age 10
No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry.
God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're
stuck with.
- Kirsten, age 10
What is the Right Age To Get Married
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
- Camille, age 10