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BAR ROOM TRANSLATIONS

1. "You get this round and the next round is on me."
(I'll be leaving before the next round.)

2. "I'll get this round and the next one is on you."
(Happy hour is about to end. Beers are now a dollar, but by the next round they'll be $3.50.)

3. "Hey, where is that friend of yours?"
(I have no interest in talking to you except as a way to get your attractive friend into a compromising position.)

4. "Can I get a glass of white zinfandel." (female)
(I'm easy.)

5. "Can I get a glass of white zinfandel." (male)
(I'm gay.)

6. "Ever try a body shot?" (male to female)
(I am even willing to drink tequila if it means that I get to lick you.)

7. "Ever try a body shot?" (female to male)
(If this is how wild I am in the bar, imagine what I'll do to you on the ride home?)

8. "I don't feel well, let's go home." (female)
(You are paying more attention to your friends than me.)

9. I don't feel well, let's go home." (male)
(I'm horny.)

10. "Who's got the next round?"
(I haven't bought a round in almost 3 years, but I am an expert at diverting attention.)

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101 Ways to Annoy People

1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.

2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."

3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."

5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

Read all 101 Ways to Annoy People

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