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BAR ROOM TRANSLATIONS

1. "You get this round and the next round is on me."
(I'll be leaving before the next round.)

2. "I'll get this round and the next one is on you."
(Happy hour is about to end. Beers are now a dollar, but by the next round they'll be $3.50.)

3. "Hey, where is that friend of yours?"
(I have no interest in talking to you except as a way to get your attractive friend into a compromising position.)

4. "Can I get a glass of white zinfandel." (female)
(I'm easy.)

5. "Can I get a glass of white zinfandel." (male)
(I'm gay.)

6. "Ever try a body shot?" (male to female)
(I am even willing to drink tequila if it means that I get to lick you.)

7. "Ever try a body shot?" (female to male)
(If this is how wild I am in the bar, imagine what I'll do to you on the ride home?)

8. "I don't feel well, let's go home." (female)
(You are paying more attention to your friends than me.)

9. I don't feel well, let's go home." (male)
(I'm horny.)

10. "Who's got the next round?"
(I haven't bought a round in almost 3 years, but I am an expert at diverting attention.)

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Stevie Wonder Cat
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Teddy catches thief red-handed

A forensic science graduate caught a care assistant thieving from her sick grandmother - with the help of a camera hidden inside a teddy bear.

Emma Sampson, 21, set out to nab the thief after her grandmother, 75-year-old Thelma Sampson, noticed that money was missing from her home in Walton, Liverpool, England.

The forensic science graduate cleverly put her science skills to work and called in the help of teddy and a hidden camera.

Emma and her dad Robert devised the scheme after his mom Thelma, who has end stage leukemia, noticed £40 had gone missing from her purse.

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