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ALCOHOL
SHORTS
How
many Irish does it take to change a light bulb?
Twenty One. One to hold the bulb and twenty to drink until
the room spins.
This
really drunk guy walks up to a parking meter and puts in
a quarter. He stares at the needle that has stopped at 60
and exclaims, "I can't believe I lost 100 pounds!"
What's
the difference between a bar and a g-spot?
Most men have no trouble finding a bar.
Beauty
is in the eye of the beer holder...
Two
blondes walk into the bar....You'd think one of them would
of seen it!
What
would you call a drunk who works at an upholstery shop?
A recovering alcoholic.
Two
friends were out drinking when suddenly one lurched backward
off his barstool and lay motionless on the floor. "One
thing about Jim," his buddy said to the bartender,
"He knows when to stop."
A
baby seal walks into a bar and sits down. "What can
I get you?" asked the bartender. "Anything but
a Canadian Club" replied the seal.
A
five-dollar bill walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Get
outta here! We don't serve your type. This is a singles
bar."
A
man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm
and says: "Pint please, and one for the road."
There
was a guy who had at least 4-5 drinks of whiskey every day
of his adult life. When he died, they cremated him, and
it took two days to put out the fire!
Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.
What
is the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish
funeral?
One less drunk.
Three
old ladies are walking down the street. They are hard of
hearing.
One: "Whew, it's windy today!"
Two: "No. Today's Thursday!"
Three: "So am I! Let's go to a bar!
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