DOS
Beer:
Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you
to read the directions carefully before opening the can.
Originally only came in an 8-oz can, but now comes in a
16-oz can. However, the can is divided into 8 compartments
of 2-oz each, which have to be accessed separately. Soon
to be discontinued, although a lot of people are going to
keep drinking it after it's no longer available.
MAC Beer:
At first, came only in a 16-oz can, but now comes in a 32-oz
can. Considered by many to be a "light" beer.
All the cans look identical. When you take one from the
fridge, it opens itself. The ingredients list is not on
the can. If you call to ask about the ingredients, you are
told that "you don't need to know." A notice on
the side reminds you to drag your empties to the wastebin.
Windows 95 Beer:
The world's most popular beer. Comes in a 16-oz can that
looks a lot like Mac Beer's. Requires that you already own
a DOS Beer. Claims that it allows you to drink several DOS
Beers simultaneously, but in reality you can only drink
a few of them, very slowly, especially slowly if you are
drinking the Windows Beer at the same time. Sometimes, for
no apparent reason, a can of Windows Beer will explode when
you open it.
Windows 98 Beer:
See Windows 95 beer above. About the same but Windows 98
beer creates less gas and makes you crash less.
Windows 2000 Beer:
A new beer on the market. A lot of people have taste tested
it and claim it's wonderful. The can looks like Mac and
OS/2 Beer's can, but tastes like Windows 95/98 Beer. It
comes in 32-oz cans, but when you look inside, the cans
only have 16-oz of beer in them. Most people will probably
keep drinking Windows 95/98 Beer until their friends try
Windows 2000 Beer and say they like it. The ingredients
list, when you look at the small print, has some of the
same ingredients that come in DOS and Mac Beer, even though
the manufacturer claims that this is an entirely new brew.
Windows NT Beer:
Comes in 32-oz cans, but you can only buy it by the truckload.
This causes most people to go out and buy bigger refrigerators.
The can looks just like Windows 95 Beer's, but the company
promises to change the can to look like Windows 2000 Beer's,
after Windows 2000 Beer starts shipping well. Touted as
an "industrial strength" beer, and suggested only
for use in bars.
Unix Beer:
Comes in several different brands, in cans ranging from
8-oz to 64-oz. Drinkers on Unix Beer display fierce brand
loyalty, even though they claim that all the different brands
taste almost identical. Sometimes the pop-tops break off
when you try to open them, so you have to have your own
can opener around for these occasions, in which case you
either need a complete set of instructions, or a friend
who has been drinking Unix Beer for several years...
AmigaOS Beer:
The company has gone out of business, but their recipe has
been picked up by some weird German company, so now this
beer will be an import. This beer never really sold very
well, because the original manufacturer didn't understand
marketing. Like Unix Beer, AmigaDOS Beer fans are an extremely
loyal and loud group. it originally came in a 16-oz can,
but now comes in 32-oz cans too. When this can was originally
introduced, it appeared flashy and colourful, but the design
hasn't changed much over the years, so it appears dated
now. Critics of this beer claim that it is only meant for
watching TV anyway.
