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SHORT
ALCOHOL JOKES
A
man comes in to the room and says to his wife, "I'm
going to the pub. Get your coat on."
The
wife, overjoyed that he has included her in his activity
replies, "Does that mean that you are taking me with
you, darling?"
The
husband replies, "No - I'm turning the heating off."
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The
car sped off the highway, went through the guard rail, rolled
down a cliff, bounced off a tree and finally shuddered to
a stop. A passing motorist, who had witnessed the entire
accident, helped the miraculously unharmed driver out of
the wreck.
"Good
lord, mister," he gasped, "Are you drunk?"
"Of
course," said the man, brushing the dirt from his suit.
"What the hell do you think I am ... a stunt driver?"
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Two
buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wives.
"Does your wife ever...well, you know...does she...well,
let you do it doggie style?" asked one of the two.
"Well,
not exactly," his friend replied, "She's more
into the trick dog aspect of it."
"Oh,
I see. Kinky stuff, huh?"
"Well,
not exactly. Whenever I make a move, she's most likely to
roll over and play dead.
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A
guy goes up to a girl in bar and asks, "You want to
play "Magic"?"
She
says, "What's that?"
The
guy answers, "We go to my house and screw, and then
you disappear."
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A
man with a wooden eye was sitting at a bar one night. He
glanced across the room and noticed a very attractive woman
with just one flaw, she had a very large nose. He was very
self-conscious about his eye but got up the nerve to ask
her for a dance.
"Would
you like to dance with me?" he asked.
She
replied, "Would I!" and he sneered and told her,"BIG
NOSE!"
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A
guy travelling through the prairies of the USA stopped at
a small town and went to a bar. He stood at the end of the
bar, ordered a drink, and lit up a cigar. As he sipped his
drink, he stood there quietly blowing smoke rings.
After
he blew nine or ten smoke rings into the air, an angry American
Indian stomped up to him and said, "One more remark
like that and I'll smash your face in!"
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