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What's black, lives in a tree and is VERY dangerous?
Answer: A crow with a machine gun!!!

What's got two legs, hair, and bleeds?
Answer: Half a dog

What do you call a gay dinosaur?
Answer: A megasorearse.

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
Answer: A lickalottapuss

What's pink and spits?
A cat in a frying pan.

What goes plink, plink, fizz?
Kittens in an acid bath.

What's the last thing that goes through a bee's mind when it hits a car windscreen at 70mph?
It's arse.

Why did the Koala fall out of the tree?
Because it was dead.

Why did the rabbit cross the road?
Because the chicken retired and moved to Florida.

Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get away from Colonel Saunders.

Why did the pervert cross the road?
His dick was stuck in the chicken.

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