CATS AND TEENAGERS
all of you with teenagers or who have had teenagers, or are
a teenager, you may want to know why they really have a lot
in common with cats:
1. Neither teenagers nor cats turn their heads when you
call them by name.
2. No matter what you do for them, it is not enough. Indeed,
all humane efforts are barely adequate to compensate for
the privilege of waiting on them hand and foot.
3. You rarely see a cat walking outside of the house with
an adult human being, and it can be safely said that no
teenager in his or her right mind wants to be seen in public
with his or her parents.
4. Even if you tell jokes as well as Jay Leno, neither your
cat nor your teen will ever crack a smile.
5. No cat or teenager shares you taste in music.
6. Cats and teenagers can lie on the living-room sofa for
hours on end without moving, barely breathing.
7. Cats have nine lives. Teenagers carry on as if they did.
8. Cats and teenagers yawn in exactly the same manner, communicating
that ultimate human ecstasy -- a sense of complete and utter
9. Cats and teenagers do not improve anyone's furniture.
10.Cats that are free to roam outside sometimes have been
known to return in the middle of the night to deposit a
dead animal in your bedroom. Teenagers are not above that
sort of behavior.
Thus, if you must raise teenagers, the best sources of
advice are not other parents, but veterinarians. It is also
a good idea to keep a guidebook on cats at hand at all times.
And remember, above all else, put out the food and do not
make any sudden moves in their direction. When they make
up their minds, they will finally come to you for some affection
and comfort, and it will be a triumphant moment for all