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101 Ways to Annoy People

1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.

2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."

3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."

5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

Read all 101 Ways to Annoy People

THE CAPTAIN'S PARROT

Harry the Magician was performing on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The pay was lousy, but the audience changed weekly, so he could do the same tricks over and over.

There was just one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows every week and began to understand the tricks. So in the middle of the show, the parrot would shout:

'Look, it's not the same hat!'

'Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table!'

'Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?'

Harry was furious but couldn't do anything since it was the captain's parrot.

Two weeks later, the ship sank. Harry saved himself by clinging to a piece of wood ... with the parrot perched on the other end.

Magician and parrot stared at each other with hatred for several days, but did not utter a single word.

After a week the parrot finally said: 'Okay, I give up. What did you do with the boat?'

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