A DOG NAMED SEX
I know who has a dog usually calls him "Rover"
or "Spot". I call mine Sex. Now, Sex has been
very embarrassing to me. When I went to the City Hall to
renew the dog's license, I told the clerk that I would like
a license for Sex. He said, "I would like to have one
too!" Then I said, "But she is a dog!" He
said he didn't care what she looked like. I said, "You
don't understand... I have had Sex since I was nine years
old." He replied, "You must have been quite a
strong boy." When I decided to get married, I told
the minister that I would like to have Sex at the wedding.
He told me to wait until after the wedding was over. I said,
"But Sex has played a big part in my life and my whole
world revolves around Sex." He said he didn't want
to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in
his church. I told him everyone would enjoy having Sex at
the wedding. The next day we were married at the Justice
of the Peace. My family is barred from the church from then
When my wife and I went on our honeymoon, I took the dog
with me. When we checked into the motel, I told the clerk
that I wanted a room for me and my wife and a special room
for Sex. He said that every room in the motel is a place
for sex. I said, "You don't understand. ... Sex keeps
me awake at night." The clerk said, "Me too!"
One day I entered Sex in a contest. But before the competition
began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why
I was just looking around. I told him that I was going to
have Sex in the contest. He said that I should have sold
my own tickets. "You don't understand," I said,
"I hoped to have Sex on TV." He called me a show
When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight
for custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had
Sex before I was married but Sex left me after I was married."
The Judge said, "Me too!"
Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking all
over for her. A cop came over and asked me what I was doing
in the alley at 4 o'clock in the morning. I said, "I'm
looking for Sex." - My case comes up next Thursday.
Well now I've been thrown in jail, been divorced and had
more damn troubles with that dog than I ever foresaw. Why
just the other day when I went for my first session with
the psychiatrist, she asked me, "What seems to be the
trouble?" I replied, "Sex has been my best friend
all my life but now it has left me for ever. I couldn't
live any longer so lonely." and the doctor said, "Look
mister, you should understand that sex isn't a man's best
friend so get yourself a dog."