SEXUAL RELIEF IN THE DESERT
Atkins joins the French Foreign Legion and is stationed
at a remote outpost in the North African desert. After several
weeks in barracks he feels a yearning for female companionship.
He approaches the evil-looking, scar-faced sergeant, and
asks him what the men do for sexual relief around here.
"Zere eeez only ze camel, oui?" the sergeant tells
him with a leer.
"I'm not desperate enough to brave that!" replies
Atkins, and takes a brisk walk and another cold bath.
A week later he's more desperate and asks the sergeant again.
"Ze camel, I told you. Use ze camel!" comes the
Atkins actually has a look at the camel this time. It's
a flea-ridden carpet full of coat-hangers with camel shit
matted in the hair round its rump. Atkins doesn't fancy
A week later, delirious with unvented lust he goes to the
sergeant again, only to be told, "Merde! Ze camel I
tell you, ze camel!" That night Atkins creeps out to
the camel. "At least its got a pulse," he tells
himself as he climbs onto a hay-rack and proceeds to roger
the camel to his satisfaction.
As he dismounts he sees the sergeant staring open-mouthed
in horror and admiration. "How inventive and practical
you Engleesh are. Ze other men, zey usually ride ze camel
to ze brothel in town!"