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CAT COMMANDMENTS

Thou shall not jump onto the keyboard when thy human is on the modem.

Thou shall not pull the phone cord out of the back of the modem.

Thou shall not unroll all of the toilet paper off the roll.

Thou shall not sit in front of the television or monitor as thou are transparent.

Thou shall not projectile vomit from the top of the refrigerator.

Thou shall not walk in on a dinner party and commence licking thy butt.

Thou shall not lie down with thy butt in thy human's face.

Thou shall not leap from great heights onto thy human's genital region.

Fast as thou are, thou cannot run through closed doors.

Thou shall not reset thy human's alarm clock by walking on it.

Thou shall not climb on the garbage can with the hinged lid, as thee will fall in and trap thyself.

Thou shall not jump onto the toilet seat just as thy human is sitting down.

Thou shall not jump onto thy sleeping human's bladder at 4a.m.

Thou shall realize that the house is not a prison from which to escape at any opportunity.

Thou shall not trip thy humans even if they are walking too slow.

Thou shall not push open the bathroom door when there are guests in thy house.

Thou shall remember that thou are a carnivore and that houseplants are not meat.

Thou shall show remorse when being scolded.

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So much love
So Much Love
dog kick
Dog Kick
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Attention Seeker
You eated my cookie
You Eated My Cookie
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Laughing Horse

Marriage Quotes by Men
  • I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
  • It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.
  • Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.
  • A man was complaining to a friend: 'I had it all - money, a beautiful house,a big car, the love of a beautiful woman; then, Pow! it was all gone!' 'What happened?' asked the friend. 'My wife found out...'
  • Wife: Let's go out and have some fun tonight. Husband: Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.
  • How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch.

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