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MEN ARE FROM MARS, WOMEN VENUS - THE TANDEM STORY
Remember
the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"?
Well, here's a prime example offered by an English professor
at an American University.
In-class
Assignment for Wednesday "Today we will experiment
with a new form called the tandem story."
"The
process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person
sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then
write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner
will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph
to the story. The first person will then add a third paragraph,
and so on back and forth. Remember to re-read what has been
written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There
is to be absolutely NO talking and anything you wish to
say must be written on the paper. The story is over when
both agree a conclusion has been reached.
"The
following was actually turned in by two of my English students:
Rebecca - last name deleted, and Gary - last name deleted:"
STORY:
(first paragraph by Rebecca)
At
first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted.
The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings
at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said,
in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt
she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His
possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about
him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile
was out of the question.
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Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack
squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important
things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed
asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one
sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation
17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar
orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..."
But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed
out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo
bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of
his seat and across the cockpit.
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He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not
before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing
the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards,
Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful
farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently
Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her
newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her
and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her
youth - when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree,
with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her
from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things
around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become
a woman?"she wondered wistfully.
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Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to
live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian
mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles.
The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral
Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through congress had left Earth
a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were
determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after
the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course
for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire
planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated
their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered
the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret
mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the
coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion
which vaporized poor, stupid, Laurie and 85 million other
Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference
table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that
treaty! Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"
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This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature.
My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic, semi-literate
adolescent.
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Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose
attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium.
"Oh shall I have camomile tea? Or shall I have some
other sort of FUCKING TEA??? Oh no, I'm such a air headed
bimbo who reads too many Mills &
Boon novels."
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Asshole.
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Bitch.
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Wanker.
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Slut.
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Get fucked.
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Eat shit.
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FUCK YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!!
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