Grand
Prize Winner:
When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and
when toast is dropped, it always lands with the buttered
side facing down. I propose to strap buttered toast to the
back of a cat; the two will hover, spinning inches above
the ground. With a giant buttered cat array, a high-speed
monorail could easily link New York with Chicago.
Runners-up:
If an infinite number of rednecks riding in an infinite
number of pickup trucks fire an infinite number of shotgun
rounds at an infinite number of highway signs, they will
eventually produce all the worlds great literary works in
Braille.
Why Yawning Is Contagious: You yawn to equalize the pressure
on your eardrums. This pressure change outside your eardrums
unbalances other people's ear pressures, so they must yawn
to even it out.
Communist China is technologically underdeveloped because
they have no alphabet and therefore cannot use acronyms
to communicate ideas at a faster rate.
The earth may spin faster on its axis due to deforestation.
Just as a figure skater's rate of spin increases when the
arms are brought in close to the body, the cutting of tall
trees may cause our planet to spin dangerously fast.
Honorable Mentions:
Birds take off at sunrise. On the opposite side of the
world, they are landing at sunset. This causes the earth
to spin on its axis.
The reason hot-rod owners raise the backs of their cars
is that it's easier to go faster when you're always going
downhill.
The quantity of consonants in the English language is constant.
If omitted in one place, they turn up in another. When a
Bostonian "pahks" his "cah," the lost
r's migrate southwest, causing a Texan to "warsh"
his car and invest in "erl wells."
