1.
Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last
15 minutes. Wake up, say "oh geez, better get cracking"
and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early.
2. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre,
Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"
3. If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form.
If it is long answer/essay form, answer with numbers and
symbols. Be creative. Use the integral symbol.
4. Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the
instructor's left nostril.
5. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions
aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked
to stop, yell out, "I'm so sure you can hear me thinking.
" Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor
is.
6. Bring cheerleaders.
7. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes
into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand
any of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long!
What's the deal? And who are you? Where's the regular guy?"
8. Bring a Game Boy (or Game Gear, etc. . . ). Play with
the volume at max level.
9. On the answer sheet (book, whatever) find a new, interesting
way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse
to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts
with my religious beliefs. Be creative.
10. Bring pets.
11. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe
a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've
found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.
12. Fifteen minutes into the exam, stand up, rip up all
the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air
and yell out "Merry Christmas. "If you're really
daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the
first one. Repeat this process every fifteen minutes.
13. Do the exam with crayons, paint, or fluorescent markers.
14. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a
towel on your head, and nothing else.
15. Come down with a BAD case of Turet's Syndrome during
the exam. Be as vulgar as possible.
16. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't
know one, make one up! For math/science exams, try using
Roman numerals.
17. Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's
not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.
18. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.
19. Walk into the exam with an entourage. Claim you are
going to be taping your next video during the exam. Try
to get the instructor to let them stay, be persuasive. Tell
the instructor to expect a percentage of the profits if
they are allowed to stay.
20. Every five minutes, stand up, collect all your things,
move to another seat, continue with the exam.
21. Turn in the exam approximately 30 minutes into it.
As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.
22. Do the entire exam as if it was multiple choice and
true/false. If it is a multiple choice exam, spell out interesting
things (DCCAB. BABE. etc. . ).
23. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions
and answers completely blacked out.
24. Get the exam. Twenty minutes into it, throw your papers
down violently, scream out "Forget this!" and
walk out triumphantly.
25. Arrange a protest before the exam starts (i. e. Threaten
the instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they
are all leaving after one hour to go drink)
26. Show up completely drunk. (Completely drunk means at
some point during the exam, you should start crying for
mommy).
27. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor
asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the
light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea
is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!"
28. Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that
day.
29. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about
30 minutes, put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm
here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you
away.
30. Go to an exam for a class you have no clue about, where
you know the class is very small, and the instructor would
recognize you if you belonged. Claim that you have been
to every lecture. Fight for your right to take the exam.
31. Upon receiving the exam, look it over, while laughing
loudly, say "you don't really expect me to waste my
time on this drivel? Days of our Lives is on!!!"
32. Bring a water pistol with you.
33. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy.
Ignore the instructor's requests for you to stop. When they
finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling
the theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai.
34. Start a brawl in the middle of the exam.
35. If the exam is math/science related, make up the longest
proofs you could possibly think of. Get pi and imaginary
numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate
everything to your own life story.
36. Come in wearing a full knight's outfit, complete with
sword and shield.
37. Bring a friend to give you a back massage the entire
way through the exam. Insist this person is needed, because
you have bad circulation.
38. Bring cheat sheets for another class (make sure this
is obvious. . . like history notes for a calculus exam.
. . otherwise you're not just failing, you're getting kicked
out too) and staple them to the exam, with the comment "Please
use the attached notes for references as you see fit. "
39. When you walk in, complain about the heat.
40. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point
to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out
of him/her.
41. One word: Wrestlemania.
42. Bring balloons, blow them up, start throwing them around
like they do before concerts start.
43. Try to get people in the room to do the wave.
44. Play frisbee with a friend at the other side of the
room.
45. Bring one pencil with a very sharp point. Break the
point off your paper. Sharpen the pencil. Repeat this process
for one hour.
46. Get deliveries of candy, flowers, balloons, telegrams,
etc. . . sent to you every few minutes throughout the exam.
47. During the exam, take apart everything around you.
Desks, chairs, anything you can reach.
48. Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards
at a 90 degree angle.
49. Bring a musical instrument with you, play various tunes.
If you are asked to stop, say "it helps me think. "
Bring a copy of the Student Handbook with you, challenging
the instructor to find the section on musical instruments
during finals. Don't forget to use the phrase "Told
you so".
50. Answer the exam with the "Top Ten Reasons Why
Professor xxxx is a Terrible Teacher"