DECLARE WAR ON SADDAM
Hussein was sitting in his office wondering who to invade
next when his telephone rang. "Hallo! Mr. Hussein,"
a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy down
in County Cavan, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that
we are officially declaring war on you!"
"Well, Paddy," Saddam replied, "This is indeed
important news! Tell me, how big is your army?"
"At this moment in time," said Paddy after a moment's
calculation, "there is myself, my cousin Sean, my next
door neighbour Gerry, and the entire dominoes team from
the pub-that makes 8!"
Saddam sighed. "I must tell you Paddy that I have 1
million men in my army waiting to move on my command."
"Begorra!", said Paddy, "I'll have to ring
enough, the next day Paddy rang back. "Right Mr.Hussein,
the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some equipment!"
"And what equipment would that be, Paddy?" Saddam
asked. "Well, we have 2 combine harvesters, a bulldozer
and Murphy's tractor from the farm."
Once more Saddam sighed. "I must tell you, Paddy, that
I have 16 thousand tanks, 14 thousand armored personnel
carriers, and my army has increased to1 and a half million
since we last spoke."
"Really?!" said Paddy "I'll have to ring
rang again the next day. "Right Mr. Hussein, the war
is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne!
We've modified Ted's ultralight with a couple of rifles
in the cockpit and the bridge team has joined us as well!"
Saddam was silent for a minute, then sighed. "I must
tell you Paddy that I have 10 thousand bombers, 20 thousand
MiG 19 attack planes, my military complex is surrounded
by laser-guidedsurface-to-air missile sites, and since we
last spoke, my army has increased to 2 million."
"Faith and begorra!", said Paddy, "I'll have
to ring you back." Sure enough, Paddy called again
the next day. "Right Mr.Hussein, I am sorry to tell
you that we have had to call off the war."
"I'm sorry to hear that" said Saddam. "Why
the sudden change of heart?"
"Well," said Paddy "We've all had a chat,
and there's no way we can feed 2 million prisoners."