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MARRIAGE QUOTES BY MEN

  • I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

  • It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.

  • Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.

  • A man was complaining to a friend: 'I had it all - money, a beautiful house,a big car, the love of a beautiful woman; then, Pow! it was all gone!' 'What happened?' asked the friend. 'My wife found out...'

  • Wife: Let's go out and have some fun tonight. Husband: Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.

  • How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch.

  • A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, 'Martha, pack up your things! I just won the California lottery!' Martha replies, 'Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?' The man responds, 'I don't care. Just so long as you're out of the house by noon!'

  • Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street bald and still think they are beautiful! I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months--I don't like to interrupt her. If your wife and a lawyer were drowning and you had to choose, would you go to lunch or to a movie?

  • A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.

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Teddy catches thief red-handed

A forensic science graduate caught a care assistant thieving from her sick grandmother - with the help of a camera hidden inside a teddy bear.

Emma Sampson, 21, set out to nab the thief after her grandmother, 75-year-old Thelma Sampson, noticed that money was missing from her home in Walton, Liverpool, England.

The forensic science graduate cleverly put her science skills to work and called in the help of teddy and a hidden camera.

Emma and her dad Robert devised the scheme after his mom Thelma, who has end stage leukemia, noticed £40 had gone missing from her purse.

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