Lifeisajoke funny jokes, pictures, cartoons, flash greetings, movies, cartoons, quotes
Latest Funny Pictures, Cartoons, Flash Animations
Boobs can get you killed
Boobs Can Kill
Desperate Housewives
Desperate Wives
Recycles testicle uses
Old Testicles
Doggy Dating Flash Movie
Doggy Dating
Ozzy Osbourne Flash Movie
Ozzy Cookbook


 Friends
Jokes Gallery
SuperLaugh Ecards
Guzer Funny Videos
All Funny Pictures
Cartoons4Fun
GoofyHumor
CrazyLaughs
Funny
Twisted Animations
Aha! Jokes
Funny Pics
Personal Horoscope

 More Friends



MY DEAREST WIFE

To My Dearest Wife,

During the past year, I have attempted to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of only once every 10 days. The following is a list of why I didn't succeed more often:

We will wake the kids - 54 times

It's too late - 15 times

I'm too tired - 42 times

It's too early - 12 times

It's too hot - 18 times

Pretending to be asleep - 31 times

The neighbors will hear - 9 times

Headache or backache - 26 times

Sunburn - 10 times

Your mother will hear us - 9 times

Not in the mood - 21 times

Watching the late show - 17 times

Too sore - 26 times

New hairdo - 6 times

Wrong time of the month - 14 times

You had to go to the bathroom - 19 times

Of the 36 times that I DID succeed, the result was not always satisfying because 6 times you just laid there, 8 times you reminded me that there was a crack in the ceiling, 4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with, 7 times I had to wake you up to tell you I was finished, and once I was afraid that I had hurt you because you started thrashing around and breathing heavy. Let's try to improve this, shall we??

Love, Your Hubby

**********************

To My Dearest Husband,

I think things are a little confused. Here are the REAL reasons you didn't get more than you did this past year:

Came home drunk and tried to screw the cat - 23 times

Did not come home at all - 36 times

Did not come - 21 times

Came too soon - 38 times

Went soft before you got it in - 19 times

Cramps in your leg - 16 times

Working too late - 33 times

You had a rash, probably from a toilet seat - 29 times

Caught yourself in your zipper - 15 times

You had a cold and your nose kept running - 21 times

You had burned your tongue on hot coffee - 9 times

You had a splinter in your finger - 11 times

You lost the notion after thinking about it - 42 times

Came in your pajamas after reading a dirty book - 16 times

The reason I laid still was because you had missed me and were screwing the sheet. You seemed to be having a good time and I didn't want to move and spoil it for you. I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling. What I said was, "Would you like me on my back or kneeling?" The time I was thrashing around and gasping was when you farted and I was fighting for air. Maybe you can work on your "shortcomings?"

Love, Your Wife

< - Previous Joke | Next Sex/Marriage Joke - >

Back to Index


Guaranteed to Amaze and Amuse You
Proceed
Proceed...
I'm Poopin
I'm Poopin
Police at Work
Police at Work
One Word to Say 2 U
One Word to Say 2 U
Don't Take My Teddy
Don't Take My Teddy

Funny Quote of the Day

Bookmark and Share

Privacy Statement | © Copyright 2003/2009