For those who already have children past this age,
this is hilarious.
For those who have children nearing this age, this is
a warning.
For those who have not yet had children, this is birth
control.
The following came from an anonymous mother in Austin, TX.
Things I've learned from my children:
A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a
2,000 sq. foot house 4 inches deep.
If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over
them with roller blades, they can ignite.
A 3-year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in
a crowded restaurant.
If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor
is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing
Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough,
however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20X20
foot room.
You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling
fan is on. When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you
have to throw the ball up a few times before you get
a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop
a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
When you hear the toilet flush and the words, "Uh-oh",
it's already too late.
Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots
of it.
A six-year-old can start a fire with a flint rock
even though a 36-year-old man says they can only do
it in the movies. A magnifying glass can start a fire
even on an overcast day.
Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract
of a four-year-old.
Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the
same sentence.
Super glue is forever.
No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool,
you still can't walk on water.
Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though
TV commercials show they do.
Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
You probably do not want to know what that odor is.
Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic
toys do not like ovens.
The fire department in Austin has a 5 minute response
time.
The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make
earth worms dizzy. It will, however, make cats dizzy,
and cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
