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BATTLE
OF SEXES ONE-LINERS
When
does a woman care for a man's company?
When he owns it.
How
many men does it take to wallpaper a bathroom?
Three, if you slice them very thinly.
Why
do men get married?
So they don't have to hold their stomachs in anymore.
What
are a woman's four favorite animals?
A mink in the closet, a Jaguar in the garage, a tiger in
the bedroom,
and an ass to pay for it all.
How
do you get a man to do sit-ups?
Put the remote control between his toes.
Why
are dumb blonde jokes so short?
So men can remember them.
What
did God say after creating man?
I must be able to do better than that.
What
did God say after creating Eve?
"Practice makes perfect."
What's
the difference between men and government bonds?
Bonds mature.
What
is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?
They're married.
Why
do men buy electric lawn mowers?
So they can find their way back to the house.
Why
are married women heavier than single women?
Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go
to bed. Married
women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
What
do you call a man who has lost 95% of his brainpower?
A widower.
Man
says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?"
God says:
"So you would love her." "But God,"
the man says, "why did you make her
so dumb?" God says: "So she would love you.
Why
did Moses wander the desert for 40 years?
He wouldn't ask for directions.
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