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MEN
& WOMEN : THE DIFFERENCES
NICKNAMES:
If Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle go out for lunch,
they will call each other Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle.
But if Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack go out for a brewsky, they
will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla,
Peanut-Head and Useless.
DINING OUT:
And when the check comes, Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack will
each throw in $20 bills, even though it's only for $22.50.
None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually
admit they want change back. When the girls get their check,
out come the pocket calculators.
BATHROOMS:
A man has six items in his bathroom -- a toothbrush, shaving
cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday
Inn. The average number of items in the typical woman's
bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most
of these items.
GROCERIES:
A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes out
to the store and buys these things. A man waits till the
only items left in his fridge are half a lime and a soda.
Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks
good. By the time a man reaches the checkout counter, his
cart is packed tighter than the Clampett's car on Beverly
Hillbillies. Of course, this will not stop him from going
to the 10-items-or-less lane.
SHOES:
When preparing for work, a woman will put on a Mondi wool
suit, then slip on Reebok sneakers. She will carry her dress
shoes in a plastic bag from Saks. When a woman gets to work,
she will put on her dress shoes. Five minutes later, she
will kick them off because her feet are under the desk.
A man will wear the same pair of shoes all day.
CATS:
Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women
aren't looking, men kick cats.
DRESSING UP:
A woman will dress up to: Go shopping, water the plants,
empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the
mail. A man will dress up for: weddings, funerals.
LAUNDRY:
Women do laundry every couple of days. A man will wear every
article of clothing he owns, including his surgical pants
that were hip about eight years ago, before he will do his
laundry. When he is finally out of clothes, he will wear
a dirty sweatshirt inside out, rent a U-Haul and take his
mountain of clothes to the Laundromat. Men always expect
to meet beautiful women at the Laundromat. This is a myth
perpetuated by re-runs of old episodes of "Love, American
Style."
OFFSPRING:
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She
knows about dentist appointments and soccer games and romances
and best friends and favorite foods and secret fears and
hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people
living in the house.
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