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SHORT LAWYER JOKES

Q. Why does New Jersey have all the toxic waste dumps and California have all the lawyers?
A. Because New Jersey got first pick!

Q. What do you need when you have a car half full of cement and a lawyer in it?
A. More cement.

Q. What's the difference between a lawyer and God?
A. God doesn't think he's a lawyer.

Q. What do you have when you bury six lawyers up to their necks in sand?
A. Not enough sand!.

Q. Why do lawyers display a copy of their bar association cards on their dashboards?
A. So they can park in handicapped zones?

Q. What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50?
A. Your Honour.

Q. What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?
A. A gigolo only screws one person at a time.

Q. What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
A. A vampire only sucks blood at night.

Q. Why to lawyers wear neckties?
A. To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.

Q. What's the difference between a hooker and a lawyer?
A. A hooker will stop fucking you when you're dead.

Q. If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?
A. It might be your bicycle.

Q. What do lawyers use as contraceptives?
A. Their personalities.

Q. What's brown and black and looks good on a lawyer?
A. A doberman.

Q. Why are lawyers buried 12 feet underground?
A. Deep down they're good.

Q. What's the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?
A. One's a slimy scum-sucking scavenger, the other is just a fish.

Q. Why are lawyers great in bed?
A. They get so much practice screwing people.

Q. What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?
A. The lawyer charges more.

Hear about the terrorist that hijacked a 747 full of lawyers?
He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren't met.

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