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HOW TO CLEAN YOUR MOUSE

This memo is from an unnamed computer company. It went to all field engineers about a computer peripheral problem. The author of this memo was quite serious, but the engineers rolled on the floor:

"Mouse balls are now available as FRU (Field Replacement Unit). Therefore, if a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement. Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel.

"Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger and harder than foreign balls. Ball removal procedures differ depending upon the manufacturer of the mouse. Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop-off method. Domestic balls are replaced by using the twist-off method. Mouse balls are not usually static-sensitive. However, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge.

"Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be used immediately. It is recommended that each replacer have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction. Any customer missing his balls should suspect local personnel of removing these necessary items."

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Teddy catches thief red-handed

A forensic science graduate caught a care assistant thieving from her sick grandmother - with the help of a camera hidden inside a teddy bear.

Emma Sampson, 21, set out to nab the thief after her grandmother, 75-year-old Thelma Sampson, noticed that money was missing from her home in Walton, Liverpool, England.

The forensic science graduate cleverly put her science skills to work and called in the help of teddy and a hidden camera.

Emma and her dad Robert devised the scheme after his mom Thelma, who has end stage leukemia, noticed £40 had gone missing from her purse.

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