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FUN AT YOUR LOCAL POOL

  • Stand on top of the high board and say you won't come down until your demands are met.

  • Tell the lifeguards that they aren't doing their jobs because you have seen at least 15 people drown today.

  • Ask people if they have seen your pet shark.

  • Sit in the baby pool and play with the toys.

  • Take a flutter board and pretend you can't swim.

  • Hit strangers with your flutter board.

  • Ask an attractive lifeguard to practise CPR on you.

  • Sit in front of a water jet, make moaning sounds and say, ''Oh yeah... oooh that feels soooo good....''

  • Sit on the top of the water slide and don't move.

  • Swim near a stranger and go ''Dammit I knew I shouldn't have had watermelon before I came here.''

  • Insist that you saw a monster at the bottom of the pool.

  • Pretend to drown and then when someone tries to help you, say ''HA-HA, fooled you!''

  • Scream as someone is trying to do something when jumping off of a diving board.

  • Laugh at fat people in swimsuits.

  • Tell people you saw the lifeguard pissing in the pool.

  • Ask a lifeguard if skinny-dipping is allowed.

  • Try to negotiate the price of getting in.

  • Take a really long time when you are on top of the high dive and then act as though you were pushed off.

  • When in line, ask strangers if they think invisble people get a discount.

  • Take your towel, tie it around your shoulders and say ''Wheee! I'm Batman!'' while running around.

  • Hit strangers with your wet towel.

  • Throw people's things into the pool.

  • Sing and dance on top of the dinving board, then do a belly-flop as your grande-finale.

  • Play Marco-Polo by yourself.

  • Ask small children if they have seen any suspicious-looking sea monsters lately.

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