AT YOUR LOCAL POOL
- Stand on top of the high board and say you won't come down until your demands are met.
- Tell the lifeguards that they aren't doing their jobs because you have seen at least 15 people drown today.
- Ask people if they have seen your pet shark.
- Sit in the baby pool and play with the toys.
- Take a flutter board and pretend you can't swim.
- Hit strangers with your flutter board.
- Ask an attractive lifeguard to practise CPR on you.
- Sit in front of a water jet, make moaning sounds and say, ''Oh yeah... oooh that feels soooo good....''
- Sit on the top of the water slide and don't move.
- Swim near a stranger and go ''Dammit I knew I shouldn't have had watermelon before I came here.''
- Insist that you saw a monster at the bottom of the pool.
- Pretend to drown and then when someone tries to help you, say ''HA-HA, fooled you!''
- Scream as someone is trying to do something when jumping off of a diving board.
- Laugh at fat people in swimsuits.
- Tell people you saw the lifeguard pissing in the pool.
- Ask a lifeguard if skinny-dipping is allowed.
- Try to negotiate the price of getting in.
- Take a really long time when you are on top of the high dive and then act as though you were pushed off.
- When in line, ask strangers if they think invisble people get a discount.
- Take your towel, tie it around your shoulders and say ''Wheee! I'm Batman!'' while running around.
- Hit strangers with your wet towel.
- Throw people's things into the pool.
- Sing and dance on top of the dinving board, then do a belly-flop as your grande-finale.
- Play Marco-Polo by yourself.
- Ask small children if they have seen any suspicious-looking sea monsters lately.