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CHANGING A LIGHTBULB

How many country and western singers does it take to change a light bulb?
Four: one to change it; one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one; one to sing about how madly in love she is with the new one; and one to go "Yeeeee-Haw!" and throw his hat in the air.

How many armies does it take to change a light bulb?
At least six: the Germans to start it; the French to give up really easily after only trying for a little while; the Italians to make a start, get nowhere, and then run away;: the English to stand firm back home but not get anywhere near the bulb; the Americans to turn up late, finish it off and take all the credit; and the Swiss to pretend nothing out of the ordinary is happening.

How many members of parliament does it take to change a light bulb?
Twenty-one: one to change it and twenty to take a six-week fact finding trip to the Bahamas to learn more about how it's done.

How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
Three: one to sue power company for insufficiently supplying power, or negligent failure to prevent the surge that made the bulb burn out in the first place; one to sue the electrician who wired the house; and one to sue the bulb manufacturers.

How many trainspotters does it take to change a light bulb?
Three: one to change it; one to write down its serial number; and one to bring the anoraks and the flask of soup.

How many Belgians does it take to change a light bulb?
Two: one to change it and one to serve it with chips and mayonnaise.

How many divorcees does it take to change a light bulb?
None: the sockets all went with the house.

How many Italians does it take to change a light bulb?
Two: one to change it and one to sprinkle it with Parmesan.

How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb?
Four: one to change it and the other three to deny it was ever changed.

How many sexists does it take to change a light bulb?
None: let the bitch cook it in the dark.

How many Trotskyites does it take to change a light bulb?
It's no use trying to CHANGE it brothers, it's got to be SMASHED.

How many christians does it take to change a light bulb?
Three: but they're really only one, so that's okay.

How many consultants does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one: but it takes eight months at $300 a day.

How many dogs does it take to change a light blb?
Two: one to change it, and the other to sniff the first one's arse.

How many firemen does it take to change a light bulb?
Four: one to change the bulb and three to cut a hole in the roof.

How many social workers does it take to change a light bulb`?
Four: one to remove the bulb from the socket and take it away without checking whether or not there was actually anything wrong with it; one to accuse its owners of mistreating it; one to find somewhere else to screw it in for the next six months; and one to eventually bring it back and say it was al done with the light bulb's best interests at heart.

What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
You can unscrew a light bulb.

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