How
many country and western singers does it take to change
a light bulb?
Four: one to change it; one to sing about how heartbroken
he is at the loss of the old one; one to sing about how
madly in love she is with the new one; and one to go "Yeeeee-Haw!"
and throw his hat in the air.
How many armies does it take to change a light bulb?
At least six: the Germans to start it; the French to give
up really easily after only trying for a little while; the
Italians to make a start, get nowhere, and then run away;:
the English to stand firm back home but not get anywhere
near the bulb; the Americans to turn up late, finish it
off and take all the credit; and the Swiss to pretend nothing
out of the ordinary is happening.
How many members of parliament does it take to change a
light bulb?
Twenty-one: one to change it and twenty to take a six-week
fact finding trip to the Bahamas to learn more about how
it's done.
How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
Three: one to sue power company for insufficiently supplying
power, or negligent failure to prevent the surge that made
the bulb burn out in the first place; one to sue the electrician
who wired the house; and one to sue the bulb manufacturers.
How many trainspotters does it take to change a light bulb?
Three: one to change it; one to write down its serial number;
and one to bring the anoraks and the flask of soup.
How many Belgians does it take to change a light bulb?
Two: one to change it and one to serve it with chips and
mayonnaise.
How many divorcees does it take to change a light bulb?
None: the sockets all went with the house.
How many Italians does it take to change a light bulb?
Two: one to change it and one to sprinkle it with Parmesan.
How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb?
Four: one to change it and the other three to deny it was
ever changed.
How many sexists does it take to change a light bulb?
None: let the bitch cook it in the dark.
How many Trotskyites does it take to change a light bulb?
It's no use trying to CHANGE it brothers, it's got to be
SMASHED.
How many christians does it take to change a light bulb?
Three: but they're really only one, so that's okay.
How many consultants does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one: but it takes eight months at $300 a day.
How many dogs does it take to change a light blb?
Two: one to change it, and the other to sniff the first
one's arse.
How many firemen does it take to change a light bulb?
Four: one to change the bulb and three to cut a hole in
the roof.
How many social workers does it take to change a light
bulb`?
Four: one to remove the bulb from the socket and take it
away without checking whether or not there was actually
anything wrong with it; one to accuse its owners of mistreating
it; one to find somewhere else to screw it in for the next
six months; and one to eventually bring it back and say
it was al done with the light bulb's best interests at heart.
What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light
bulb?
You can unscrew a light bulb.
