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101 Ways to Annoy People
1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."
3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting
entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."
5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while
talking to others.
Read all 101 Ways to
Annoy People |
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50 THINGS TO DO IN AN ELEVATOR
- Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
- Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your
kleenex to other passengers.
- Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and
muttering: Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut
UP!
- Whistle the first seven notes of It's a Small
World incessantly.
- Sell Girl Scout cookies.
- On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural
frequency of the elevator.
- Shave.
- Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while
peering inside ask: Got enough air in there?
- Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator.
Wear yours upside-down.
- Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing
the wall, without getting off.
- When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain
to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they
open by themselves.
- Lean over to another passenger and whisper: Noogie
patrol coming!
- Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a
warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
- Censored by your son.
- On the highest floor, hold the door open and
demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you
dropped down the shaft go plink at the bottom.
- Do Tai Chi exercises.
- Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while,
and then announce: I've got new socks on!
- When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from
the back: Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!
- Give religious tracts to each passenger.
- Meow occasionally.
- Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter
in your nose.
- Frown and mutter gotta go, gotta go then
sigh and say oops!
- Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks
infected.
- Sing Mary had a little lamb while continually
pushing buttons.
- Holler Chutes away! whenever the elevator descends.
- Walk on with a cooler that says human head
on the side.
- Stare at another passenger for a while, then
announce You're one of THEM! and move
to the far corner of the elevator.
- Burp, and then say mmmm...tasty!
- Leave a box between the doors.
- Ask each passenger getting on if you can push
the button for them.
- Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other
passengers through it.
- Start a sing-along.
- When the elevator is silent, look around and
ask is that your beeper?
- Play the harmonica.
- Shadow box.
- Say Ding! at each floor.
- Lean against the button panel.
- Say I wonder what all these do and push
the red buttons.
- Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
- Draw a little square on the floor with chalk
and announce to the other passengers that this is your
personal space.
- Bring a chair along.
- Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger:
Wanna see wha in muh mouf?
- Blow spit bubbles.
- Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.
- Announce in a demonic voice: I must find a
more suitable host body.
- Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.
- Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
- Wear X-Ray Specs and leer suggestively
at other passengers.
- Stare at your thumb and say I think it's getting
larger.
- If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler
Bad touch!
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