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101 Ways to Annoy People
1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."
3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting
entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."
5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while
talking to others.
Read all 101 Ways to
Annoy People |
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FUNNY NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS
- Or Resolutions for Wasters
- Read less books. A little learning is a dangerous
thing. Too much of it can really wreck your head.
- Gain weight, at least 40 pounds. Didn't your
mom always say you were bit skinny.
- Cut down on exercise. Too much is bad for your
health, it can even kill you.
- Watch more TV. It's very educational. Catch
up on all those programs you missed down the years.
- Draw up a list of people who were nasty to you
in the past year, get your own back on them in
the next year!
- Drink more. Wasn't it Benjamin Franklin who
said, beer is proof that God loves us and wants
us to be happy. So be happy.
- Eat more nice things like candy, Big Macs, popcorn
and ice cream. Eat less crap like fresh fruit,
vegetables and soy nuts.
- Work less. Take it easy. All work and no play
can make you a dull boy or girl.
- Play more computer games. Scientists say they're
good for you and improve your visual skills. But
you always knew that.
- Take up some worthwhile new habit, like smoking
- it helps keep tobacco workers in jobs.
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