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YOU WORK FOR THE GOVERNMENT IF...

  • You understand the rationalization of an acronym comprised of acronyms.
  • You can name the project leader of more than 10 projects including your own, but still can't explain in the simplest terms what they do.
  • You know that the location of a meeting is directly related to its importance:
    (1) A meeting at Fort Hood requires a subordinate or a contractor.
    (2) The same meeting at Lake Tahoe requires your personal attention.
  • You work for an acronym, on an acronym, and your job title is an acronym.
  • You've sat at the same desk for 3 years, done the same thing for 3 years, but have had 3 different business cards.
  • The process becomes more important than the product.
  • You don't see anything wrong with attending a meeting on a subject you know nothing about.
  • You feel you contributed to the meeting just by being there.
  • You realize that a paperless office is impossible. Actually, you believe it is possible, just not in your office.
  • You keep documents/manuals on projects that have been long since canceled.
  • You stop raising issues/problems because you know you will be the one answering them.
  • You fly across the country to attend a conference with 100+ people to discuss the fact that the project does not have enough money.
  • You've sat at the same desk for 4 years and worked for three different agencies.
  • Your name plate is attached with Velcro.
  • Your resume is on a diskette in your pocket.
  • The office symbol on your badge is applied with tape.
  • When someone asks about what you do for a living, you lie.
  • You get really excited about a 2% pay raise.
  • Your biggest loss from a system crash is that you loose your best jokes.
  • Your supervisor doesn't have the ability to do your job.
  • You sit in a cubicle smaller than your bedroom closet.
  • You think lunch is just a meeting to which you drive.
  • It's dark when you drive to and from work.
  • Fun is when issues are assigned to someone else.
  • Communication is something your group is having problems with.
  • You see a good looking person and know it is a visitor.
  • Free food left over from meetings is your main staple.
  • Weekends are those days your spouse makes you stay home.
  • Being sick is defined as can't walk or you're in the hospital.
  • Art involves a white board.
  • You're already late on the assignment you just got.
  • You work 200 hours for the $100 performance check and jubilantly say, "Oh wow, thanks!"
  • Dilbert cartoons hang outside every cube.
  • Your boss' favorite lines are "when you get a few minutes," "in your spare time," "when you're freed up," and "I have an opportunity for you."
  • Vacation is something you roll over to next year.
  • Your relatives and family describe your job as "works with computers."
  • Change is the norm.
  • Nepotism is encouraged.
  • The only reason you recognize your kids is because their pictures hang in your cube.
  • You only have makeup for fluorescent lighting.
  • You can name more people that used to work with you than people who do.

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