YOU WORK FOR THE GOVERNMENT IF...

• You understand the rationalization of an acronym comprised of acronyms.
  
• You can name the project leader of more than 10 projects including your own, but still can't explain in the simplest terms what they do.
  
• You know that the location of a meeting is directly related to its importance:
  (1) A meeting at Fort Hood requires a subordinate or a contractor.
  (2) The same meeting at Lake Tahoe requires your personal attention.
  
• You work for an acronym, on an acronym, and your job title is an acronym.
  
• You've sat at the same desk for 3 years, done the same thing for 3 years, but have had 3 different business cards.
  
• The process becomes more important than the product.
  
• You don't see anything wrong with attending a meeting on a subject you know nothing about.
  
• You feel you contributed to the meeting just by being there.
  
• You realize that a paperless office is impossible. Actually, you believe it is possible, just not in your office.
  
• You keep documents/manuals on projects that have been long since canceled.
  
• You stop raising issues/problems because you know you will be the one answering them.
  
• You fly across the country to attend a conference with 100+ people to discuss the fact that the project does not have enough money.
  
• You've sat at the same desk for 4 years and worked for three different agencies.
  
• Your name plate is attached with Velcro.
  
• Your resume is on a diskette in your pocket.
  
• The office symbol on your badge is applied with tape.
  
• When someone asks about what you do for a living, you lie.
  
• You get really excited about a 2% pay raise.
  
• Your biggest loss from a system crash is that you loose your best jokes.
  
• Your supervisor doesn't have the ability to do your job.
  
• You sit in a cubicle smaller than your bedroom closet.
  
• You think lunch is just a meeting to which you drive.
  
• It's dark when you drive to and from work.
  
• Fun is when issues are assigned to someone else.
  
• Communication is something your group is having problems with.
  
• You see a good looking person and know it is a visitor.
  
• Free food left over from meetings is your main staple.
  
• Weekends are those days your spouse makes you stay home.
  
• Being sick is defined as can't walk or you're in the hospital.
  
• Art involves a white board.
  
• You're already late on the assignment you just got.
  
• You work 200 hours for the $100 performance check and jubilantly say, "Oh wow, thanks!"
  
• Dilbert cartoons hang outside every cube.
  
• Your boss' favorite lines are "when you get a few minutes," "in your spare time," "when you're freed up," and "I have an opportunity for you."
  
• Vacation is something you roll over to next year.
  
• Your relatives and family describe your job as "works with computers."
  
• Change is the norm.
  
• Nepotism is encouraged.
  
• The only reason you recognize your kids is because their pictures hang in your cube.
  
• You only have makeup for fluorescent lighting.
  
• You can name more people that used to work with you than people who do.