GOD OVERRULES SUPREME COURT
BREAKING NEWS: GOD OVERRULES SUPREME COURT VERDICT
Bush to be smitten later today
In a stunning development this morning, God invoked the
"one nation, under God" clause of the Pledge of
Allegiance to overrule the Supreme Court's decision that
handed the White House to George Bush.
"I'm not sure where the Supreme Court gets off,"
God said this morning on a rare Today Show appearance, "but
I'm sure as hell not going to lie back and let Bush get
away with this bullshit."
"I've watched analysts argue for weeks now that the
exact vote count in Florida 'will never be known.' Well,
I'm God and I DO know exactly who voted for whom. Let's
cut to the chase: Gore won Florida by exactly 20,219 votes."
Shocking political analysts and pundits, God's unexpected
verdict overrules the official Electoral College tally and
awards Florida to Al Gore, giving him a 289-246 victory.
The Bush campaign is analyzing God's Word for possible grounds
"God's ruling is a classic over-reach," argued
Bush campaign strategist Jim Baker. "Clearly, a divine
intervention in a U.S. Presidential Election is unprecedented,
unjust, and goes against the constitution of the state of
"Jim Baker's a jackass," God responded. "He's
got some surprises ahead of him, let me tell you. HOT ones,
if you know what I mean."
God, who provided the exact vote counts for every Florida
precinct, explained that bad balloting machinery and voter
confusion were no grounds to give the White House to "a
"Look, only 612 people in Palm Beach County voted for
Buchanan. Get real! The rest meant to vote for Gore. Don't
believe me? I'll name them: Anderson, Pete; Anderson, Sam,
Jr.; Arthur, James; Barnhardt, Ron..."
Our Lord then went on to note that he was displeased with
George W. Bush's prideful ways and announced that he would
officially smite him today. In an act of wrath unlike any
reported since the Book of Job, God has taken all of Bush's
goats and livestock, stripped him of his wealth and possessions,
sold his family into slavery, forced the former presidential
candidate into hard labor in a salt mine, and afflicted
him with deep boils.
Dick Cheney will reportedly receive leprosy.