The CIA went first, and there team, consisting of 2 black-suited Men in Black type toughs went into the nearby forest carrying two silenced sniper rifles. After half an hour, they emerged carrying one squirrel shot once, right between the eyes.

The FBI go next, and they send dozens of guys wearing those luminous police type parkas in, and fly helicopters over the forest, and set fire to bits of it and generally thrash around making lots of noise. After 4 hours, they come out with one slightly charred, but handcuffed and live squirrel.

So with it all to play for, the RUC send in their finest. They have 12 massive skin-head types who had to have the rules explained to them twice each before they understood, and these guys disappear into the woods and aren't seen for 6 months.

During this time, 24 hours a day, there are thumping, kicking and beating up type noises, punctuated by the occasional scream.

Eventually, they return, only to be told by the judges that the time limit is up and the FBI went home with the trophy some time ago. "and anyway" says the chief judge, "that's not a squirrel you've got there, its a god-damn rabbit fer chrissakes"

In reply, the chief RUC constable (who looks typically smug) eyeballs the rabbit he is grasping by the ears and snarls, "What are You ??"

The rabbit screams "I'm a squirrel, I'm a squirrel !!!!!!