|
Pennies don't fall from heaven. They have to be earned on
earth. (Margaret Thatcher)
Oh,
Lord, won't you buy me a Mercedes Benz
My friends all drive Porsches, I must make amends. (Janis
Joplin)
The
secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of
getting started is breaking your complex overwhelming tasks
into small manageable tasks, and then starting on the first
one. (Mark Twain)
My
luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would
stop dying. (Ed Furgol)
I
always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by
leaving early. (Charles Lamb)
A
verbal contract isn't worth the paper it is written on.
(Sam Goldwyn)
Money
can't buy you happiness, but it does bring you a more pleasant
form of misery. (Spike Milligan)
The
light at the end of the tunnel is just the light of an oncoming
train. (Robert Lowell)
What's
the use of happiness? It can't buy you money. (Henny Youngman)
There
are three easy ways of losing money - racing is the quickest,
women the most pleasant, and farming the most certain. (Lord
Amherst)
My
formula for success is rise early, work late, and strike
oil. (Paul Getty)
Women
prefer men who have something tender about them - especially
legal tender. (Kay Ingram)
I
am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to
offer me the position. (Mark Twain)
I
worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
(Groucho Marx)
Did
you ever think that making a speech on economics is a lot
like pissing down your leg? It seems hot to you, but it
never does to anyone else. (Lyndon B. Johnson)
Children
and Parents
They
fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to but they do.
They fill up with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you. (Philip Larkin)
Having
one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.
(David Frost)
Any
astronomer can predict with absolute accuracy just where
every star in the universe will be at 11.30 tonight. He
can make no such prediction about his teenage daughter.
(James T. Adams)
Watching
your daughter being collected by her date feels like handing
over a million dollar Stradivarius to a gorilla. (Jim Bishop)
Children
really brighten up a household - they never turn the lights
off. (Ralph Bus)
There
are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus; he
does not believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus. (Bob
Phillips)
I
never met a kid I liked. (W.C. Fields)
Anyone
who hates children and animals can't be all bad. (W.C. Fields)
Children
nowadays are tyrants. They contradict their parents, gobble
their food, and tyrannise their teachers. (Socrates)
I
like children - fried. (W.C. Fields)
Why
a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run
out and find me a four-year-old child. I can't make head
nor tail out of it. (Groucho Marx)
Until
I was thirteen, I thought my name was 'shut up.' (Joe Namath)
There
are three ways to get something done; do it yourself, hire
someone, or forbid your kids to do it. (Mona Crane)
When
I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could
hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got
to be twenty-one, I was astonished by how much he'd learned
in seven years. (Anonymous, often erroneously attributed
to Mark Twain)
Funny
quotes Pages
1 2
3 4
5 6
7
|
