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It's better to be looked over than overlooked. (Mae West)
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an
institution yet. (Mae West)
It's
been so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties
up whom. (Joan Rivers)
I
blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was
'the man goes on top and the woman underneath.' For three
years my husband and I slept in bunk beds. (Joan Rivers)
Oh
Lord, give me chastity, but do not give it yet. (St. Augustine)
What
would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce.
(Mark Twain)
Love
is temporary insanity curable by marriage. (Ambrose Bierce)
Ten
men waiting for me at the door? Send one of them home, I'm
tired. (Mae West)
My
wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects.
(Les Dawson)
My
wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years
and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider
divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never. (Jack Benny)
A
woman is only a woman, but a good cigar is a smoke. (Rudyard
Kipling)
By
all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy;
if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. (Socrates)
A
man is only as old as the woman he feels. (Groucho Marx)
I
chased a woman for almost two years only to discover her
tastes were exactly like mine - we were both crazy about
girls. (Groucho Marx)
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
(Groucho Marx)
Marriage
is popular because it combines the maximum of temptation
with the maximum of opportunity. (George Bernard Shaw)
Dancing
is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire. (George
Bernard Shaw)
Now
that women are jockeys, baseball umpires, atomic scientists,
and business executives, maybe someday they can master parallel
parking. (Bill Vaughan)
Whatever
women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought
half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult. (Charlotte
Whitton)
My
wife has a slight impediment in her speech - every now and
then she stops to breathe. (Jimmy Durante)
The
male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness
and kindness, can be trained to do most things. (Jilly Cooper)
When you see a married couple coming down the street, the
one who is two or three steps ahead is the one that's mad.
(Helen Rowland)
When
you see what some women marry, you realise how they must
hate to work for a living. (Helen Rowland)
I
married beneath me, all women do. (Nancy Astor)
The
state has no place in the nation's bedrooms. (Pierre Trudeau)
The
only unnatural sex act is that which you cannot perform.
(Alfred Kinsey)
A
man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he's
finished. (Zsa Zsa Gabor)
I
never hated a man enough to give him diamonds back. (Zsa
Zsa Gabor)
You
mean apart from my own. (Zsa Zsa Gabor, asked how many husbands
she had had)
Funny
quotes Pages
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