A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short
enough to rouse the interest, but long enough to cover
the essentials. (Ronald Knox)
do benefits for all religions - I'd hate to blow the hereafter
on a technicality. (Bob Hope)
God I'm an atheist. (Luis Bunuel)
secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and
a good ending and having the two as close together as possible.
am convinced that He (God) does not play dice. (Albert Einstein)
lot of people would rather tour sewers than visit their
cousins. (Jane Howard)
Claus has the right idea - visit people only once a year.
talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about
it. (Charles D. Warner)
are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies and statistics.
scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn
are composed entirely of lost airline luggage. (Mark Russell)
speaking, if something bites you, it is more likely to be
female. (Desmond Morris)
err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
the modern inconveniences ... (Mark Twain)
is the greatest week in the history of the world since the
creation. (Richard Nixon's overstatement on man's first
moon landing July 24 1969)
awfully nice to them going up, because you're going to meet
them all coming down. (Jimmy Durante)
be sincere, even if you don't mean it. (Harry S. Truman)
is only one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him.
If he says 'yes' he's not honest. (Groucho Marx)
make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on
society. (Mark Twain)
lie can travel half way around the world while the truth
is just putting on its shoes. (Mark Twain)
I'm good, I'm very, very good, but when I'm bad, I'm better.
two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before. (Mae
once sent a dozen of my friends a telegram saying 'flee
at once - all is discovered.' They all left town immediately.
is always the best policy to tell the truth, unless of course
you are an exceptionally good liar. (Jerome K. Jerome)
acknowledge a fault frankly. This will throw those in authority
off guard and allow you opportunity to commit more. (Mark
you have to kill a man it costs nothing to be polite. (Winston
am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally. (W.C.
had a wonderful evening - but this wasn't it. (Groucho Marx)
up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because
I've done it thousands of times. (Mark Twain)
don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as
a member. (Groucho Marx)
are my principals, if you don't like them....I have others."
the things I really like are either immoral, illegal or
fattening. (Alexander Woollcott)
man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself
a liar. (Mark Twain)
ain't just a river in Egypt. (Mark Twain)
is only one immutable law in life - in a gentleman's toilet,
incoming traffic has the right of way. (Hugh Leonard)
tell fish stories where the people know you; but particularly,
don't tell them where they know the fish. (Mark Twain)
my youth there were words you couldn't say in front of a
girl; now you can't say 'girl.' (Tom Lehrer)
things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a
good example. (Mark Twain)
If you can keep your head when all about you are losing
theirs. (Rudyard Kipling)