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PENANCE FOR POLITICIANS

A well-known politician dies and goes to heaven. At the Pearly Gates he is met by St. Peter who says, "You comitted a few teeny weenie sins when you were alive, didn't you, such as lying? Since you did so much good generally for your country, we'll let you in, but you'll have to do penance for two years. You will have to spend that time with this woman."

At this, the most hideously deformed, smelly, gossiping woman appears. The politician appears to blanch slightly, but says: "Fair enough, I guess it's worth an eternity in paradise."

So St. Peter leads him through a door into a vast chamber, filled with white-robed couples, chatting and laughing with each other. Sweet music and the aroma of rose blossom fill the air, and angels and cherubs flutter about.

Suddenly the politician notices his old rival, whose death had preceded his by a matter of weeks. Amazingly, this man is arm in arm with a beautiful model.

"What the hell is this!" storms the politician. "That man was the worst thing to happen to my country for 200 years. He destroyed everything I stood for, and was totally dishonest in doing it. How come I get two years with this hag, while he gets to cavort with a beautiful model?"

"Now steady on," says St. Peter. "That's not your rival doing his penance, it's the model doing hers."

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What's a penis worth? $795,000, says court

What's a penis worth? $795,000, according to a court ruling.

The court in Bucharest, Romania, ordered a doctor to pay that amount in compensation after surgery that went horribly wrong.

The Romanian surgeon was ordered to hand over the money to a patient whose penis he accidentally severed during a botched operation.

The court was told that in July 2004, Dr. Naum Ciomu made a surgical error while operating on the man's testicles, severing the penis instead of making an incision to the testicle.

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