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101 Ways to Annoy People

1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.

2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."

3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."

5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

Read all 101 Ways to Annoy People

MARRIED COUPLES NOT GETTING INTO HEAVEN

St. Peter is on duty at the Pearly Gates and in rather a bad mood. He is interviewing couples who are queuing up to get into heaven. "Next," he calls out.
Up steps a publican named Jones and his wife. St. Peter says, "I'm sorry, but you two can't enter."

"Why not?" demands the man angrily.

"I can't stand publicans," says St. Peter. " You drink too much. Always getting drunk and throwing up, and beating your wives and kids during drunken rages. And look you even married a woman named after a drink, Sherri. Get out of here. Next," he calls out.

Up steps the next couple, a publican named Smith and his wife. St. Peter looks at them with a sneer. "I don't like bankers. Always grubbing for money and cheating people. And look at that, you married a woman named after money, Penny. You obviously love money more than God and those people go to the other place."

Just about this time, several couples back in line, a man turns to his wife and says: "Come on Fanny, there's NO hope for us, let's get out of here."

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