<!--
var txtList = new Array()
txtList[txtList.length]="Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.<br> - John Fitzgerald Kennedy"
txtList[txtList.length]="I love mankind. It's people I can't stand.<br> - Charles Monroe Schultz"
txtList[txtList.length]="There are a terrible lot of lies going about the world, and the worst of it is that half of them are true.<br> - Winston Churchill"
txtList[txtList.length]="When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.<br> - Albert Einstein"
txtList[txtList.length]="No great genius has ever existed without some touch of madness.<br> - Aristotle"
txtList[txtList.length]="Mr. Right is coming. But He's in Africa and he's walking.<br> - Oprah Winfrey"
txtList[txtList.length]="Eagles may soar high, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.<br> - David Brent"
txtList[txtList.length]="The minute that you read something that you can't understand, you can almost be sure it was drawn up by a lawyer.<br> - Will Rogers"
txtList[txtList.length]="I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.<br> - Spike Milligan"
txtList[txtList.length]="Dancing: the vertical expression of a horizontal desire.<br> - George Bernard Shaw"
txtList[txtList.length]="She wears her clothes as if they were thrown on with a pitchfork.<br> - Oliver Goldsmith"
txtList[txtList.length]="Ask me no questions, and I'll tell you no lies.<br> - Oliver Goldsmith"
txtList[txtList.length]="There's no such thing as bad publicity except your own obituary.<br> - Brendan Behan"
txtList[txtList.length]="In 1969 I gave up women and alcohol and it was the worst 20 minute of my life.<br> - George Best"
txtList[txtList.length]="The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet and Doctor Merryman.<br> - Jonathan Swift"
txtList[txtList.length]="My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.<br> - Woody Allen"
txtList[txtList.length]="If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.<br> - Woody Allen"
txtList[txtList.length]="Woe unto you also, lawyers! for ye lade men with burdens grievous to be borne.<br> - Jesus"
txtList[txtList.length]="Money couldn't buy friends, but you got a better class of enemy.<br> - Spike Milligan"
txtList[txtList.length]="If work was so good, the rich would have kept more of it for themselves.<br> - David Brent"
txtList[txtList.length]="I once had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: no good in a bed, but fine up against a wall.<br> - Eleanor Roosevelt"
txtList[txtList.length]="Never hold discussions with the monkey when the organ grinder is in the room.<br> - Winston Churchill"
txtList[txtList.length]="Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them so much.<br> - Oscar Wilde"
txtList[txtList.length]="If you've got them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.<br> - John Wayne"
txtList[txtList.length]="The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.<br> - Brendan Behan"
txtList[txtList.length]="It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.<br> - Woody Allen"
txtList[txtList.length]="Marriage is popular because it combines the maximum of temptation with the maximum of opportunity.<br> - George Bernard Shaw"
txtList[txtList.length]="My wife and I tried to breakfast together, but we had to stop or our marriage would have been wrecked.<br> - Winston Churchill"
txtList[txtList.length]="Epitaph for a dead waiter - God finally caught his eye.<br> - George S. Kaufman"
txtList[txtList.length]="Hell is full of musical amateurs.<br> - George Bernard Shaw"
txtList[txtList.length]="Remember the 3 golden rules: 1. It was like that when I got here. 2. I didn't do it. 3. (To your Boss) I like your style.<br> - David Brent"
txtList[txtList.length]="Don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love.<br> - Woody Allen"
txtList[txtList.length]="I don't know what effect these men will have upon the enemy, but, by God, they terrify me.<br> - Duke of Wellington"
txtList[txtList.length]="It is very easy to endure the difficulties of one's enemies. It is the successes of one's friends that are hard to bear.<br> - Oscar Wilde"
txtList[txtList.length]="The realisation that one is to be hanged in the morning concentrates the mind wonderfully.<br> - Samuel Johnson"
txtList[txtList.length]="Winning isn't everything - it's the only thing.<br> - Vince Lombardi"
txtList[txtList.length]="Some people think football is a matter of life and death. I don't like that attitude. I can assure them it is much more serious than that.<br> - Bill Shankly"
txtList[txtList.length]="All the things I really like are either immoral, illegal or fattening.<br> - Alexander Woollcott"
txtList[txtList.length]="I often take exercise. Why only yesterday I had breakfast in bed.<br> - Oscar Wilde"
txtList[txtList.length]="The Americans will always do the right thing . . . After they've exhausted all the alternatives.<br> - Winston Churchill"
txtList[txtList.length]="I exercise extreme self-control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.<br> - W. C. Fields"
txtList[txtList.length]="I have made an important discovery…that alcohol, taken in sufficient quantities, produces all the effects of intoxication.<br> - Oscar Wilde"
txtList[txtList.length]="Biologically speaking, if something bites you, it is more likely to be female.<br> - Desmond Morris"
txtList[txtList.length]="Now that women are jockeys, baseball umpires, atomic scientists, and business executives, maybe someday they can master parallel parking.<br> - Bill Vaughan"
txtList[txtList.length]="Nothing succeeds like excess.<br> - Oscar Wilde"
txtList[txtList.length]="Is sex dirty? Only if it's done right.<br> - Woody Allen"
txtList[txtList.length]="Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.<br> - Spike Milligan"
txtList[txtList.length]="Never give a sucker an even break.<br> - W. C. Fields"
txtList[txtList.length]="To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.<br> - Paul Ehrlich "
txtList[txtList.length]="A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to rouse the interest, but long enough to cover the essentials.<br> - Ronald Knox"
txtList[txtList.length]="Experience is the name every one gives to their mistakes.<br> - Oscar Wilde"
txtList[txtList.length]="By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.<br> - Socrates"
txtList[txtList.length]="I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.<br> - W.C. Fields"
txtList[txtList.length]="A woman is only a woman, but a good cigar is a smoke.<br> - Rudyard Kipling"
txtList[txtList.length]="Football is all very well a good game for rough girls, but not for delicate boys.<br> - Oscar Wilde"
txtList[txtList.length]="My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects.<br> - Les Dawson" 
txtList[txtList.length]="Love is temporary insanity curable by marriage.<br> - Ambrose Bierce"
txtList[txtList.length]="I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam: I looked into the soul of another boy.<br> - Woody Allen"
txtList[txtList.length]="Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.<br> - Spike Milligan"
txtList[txtList.length]="I have nothing to declare except my genius.<br> - Oscar Wilde"
txtList[txtList.length]="Give me chastity and continence, but not yet!<br> - Saint Augustine"
txtList[txtList.length]="It's been so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up whom.<br> - Joan Rivers "
txtList[txtList.length]="I drink therefore I am.<br> - W.C. Fields"
txtList[txtList.length]="In this world there are only two tragedies. One is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.<br> - Oscar Wilde"
txtList[txtList.length]="Santa Claus has the right idea - visit people only once a year.<br> - Victor Borge"
txtList[txtList.length]="When you see what some women marry, you realise how they must hate to work for a living.<br> - Helen Rowland"
txtList[txtList.length]="What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.<br> - Woody Allen"
txtList[txtList.length]="A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain.<br> - Mark Twain"
txtList[txtList.length]="To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.<br> - Oscar Wilde"
txtList[txtList.length]="Thank God I'm an atheist.<br> - Luis Bunuel"
txtList[txtList.length]="The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things.<br> - Jilly Cooper"
txtList[txtList.length]="When you see a married couple coming down the street, the one who is two or three steps ahead is the one that's mad.<br> - Helen Rowland"
txtList[txtList.length]="The Book of Life begins with a man and a woman in a garden…It ends with Revelations.<br> - Oscar Wilde"
txtList[txtList.length]="I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath.' For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds.<br> - Joan Rivers"
txtList[txtList.length]="What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream?  Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists?<br> - Woody Allen"
txtList[txtList.length]="Here's to alcohol: the source of, and answer to, all of life's problems.<br> - Homer Simpson"
txtList[txtList.length]="All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his.<br> - Oscar Wilde"
txtList[txtList.length]="It's not the men in my life that count, it's the life in my men.<br> - Mae West"
txtList[txtList.length]="Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house.<br> - George Burns"
txtList[txtList.length]="A man's only as old as the woman he feels.<br> - Groucho Marx"
txtList[txtList.length]="When I was young I used to think that money was the most important thing in life. Now that I am old, I know it is.<br> - Oscar Wilde"
txtList[txtList.length]="Women should be obscene and not heard.<br> - Groucho Marx"
txtList[txtList.length]="I like my beer cold…my TV loud…and my homosexuals flaming.<br> - Homer Simpson"
txtList[txtList.length]="Women represent the triumph of matter over mind, just as men represent the triumph of mind over morals.<br> - Oscar Wilde"
txtList[txtList.length]="Well, all I know is what I read in the papers.<br> - Will Rogers"
txtList[txtList.length]="I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.<br> - Woody Allen"
txtList[txtList.length]="Women have a much better time than men in this world. There are far more things forbidden to them.<br> - Oscar Wilde"
txtList[txtList.length]="A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he's finished.<br> - Zsa Zsa Gabor"
txtList[txtList.length]="Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?<br> - Mae West"
txtList[txtList.length]="My wife has a slight impediment in her speech - every now and then she stops to breathe.<br> - Jimmy Durante"
txtList[txtList.length]="More than any time in history mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness, the other to total extinction. Let us pray that we have the wisdom to choose correctly.<br> - Woody Allen"
txtList[txtList.length]="Please do not shoot the pianist. He is doing his best.<br> - Oscar Wilde"
txtList[txtList.length]="Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them.<br> - Joseph Heller in Catch-22"
txtList[txtList.length]="Intellectuals are like the mafia; they only kill their own.<br> - Woody Allen"
txtList[txtList.length]="Chanel No. 5.<br> - Marilyn Monroe, asked what she wore in bed"
txtList[txtList.length]="I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.<br> - Zsa Zsa Gabor"
txtList[txtList.length]="When I came back to Dublin I was court marshaled in my absence and sentenced to death in my absence, so I said they could shoot me in my absence.<br> - Brendan Behan"
txtList[txtList.length]="This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last.<br> - Oscar Wilde"
txtList[txtList.length]="If you want to make God laugh, tell him your future plans.<br> - Woody Allen"

//************ daily **********
d=new Date(),oneDay=60*60*24*1000;
j=(parseInt(d.getTime()/oneDay))%txtList.length;
j=(isNaN(j))?0:j;
document.write(txtList[j]);
//************ End of daily **********
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