"What
do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts."
"Now
go on, boy, and pay attention. Because if you do, someday,
you may achieve something that we Simpsons have dreamed
about for generations: You may outsmart someone!"
"I
bet Einstein turned himself all sorts of colors before he
invented the light bulb."
"Beer.
Now there's a temporary solution."
"Oh
no! What have I done? I smashed open my little boy's piggy
bank, and for what? A few measly cents, not even enough
to buy one beer. Wait a minute, lemme count and make sure...not
even close."
"Kill myself? Killing myself is the last thing I'd
ever do. Now I have a purpose, a reason to live. I don't
care who I have to face, I don't care who I have to fight,
I will not rest until this street gets a stop sign!"
"If
they think I'm going to stop at that stop sign, they're
sadly mistaken!"
"Unlike
most of you, I am not a nut."
"Safety?
But sir! If truth be known, I actually caused more accidents
around here than any other employee, including a few doozies
no one every found out about."
"No,
no, no, Lisa. If adults don't like their jobs, they don't
go on strike. They just go in every day and do it really
half-assed."
"Simpson-Homer Simpson, he's the greatest guy in
his-tor-y. From the town of Springfield, he's about to
hit a chestnut tree....D'oh!" (sung to the air of
Flintstones theme song)
"Ignore
the boy, Lord."
"Dear
Lord, thank You for this microwave bounty, even though
we don't deserve it. I mean... our kids are uncontrollable
hellions! Pardon my French... but they act like savages!
Did You see them at the picnic? Oh, of course You did...
You're everywhere, You're omnivorous. Oh Lord! Why did
You spite me with this family?"
"You
know Moe, my mom once said something that really stuck
with me. She said, `Homer, you're a big disappointment',
and God bless her soul, she was really onto something."
"When
will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at
the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!"
"Trying
is the first step towards failure."
"America's
health care system is second only to Japan... Canada,
Sweden, Great Britain, ... well all of Europe. But you
can thank your lucky stars we don't live in Paraguay!"
"What's
the point of going out, we're just going to end up back
here anyway?"
"Don't
eat me. I have a wife and kids. Eat them." (to aliens
who abducted Simpson family)
"I
like my beer cold…my TV loud…and my homosexuals
flaming."
"The
code of the schoolyard, Marge! The rules that teach a
boy to be a man. Let's see. Don't tattle. Always make
fun of those different from you. Never say anything, unless
you're sure everyone feels exactly the same way you do."
"I
think the saddest day of my life was when I realised I
could beat my Dad at most things, and Bart experienced
that at the age of four."
"And
there's nothing wrong with hitting someone when his back
is turned."
"Being
popular is the most important thing in the world!"
"Old
people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated
and studied so that it can be determined what nutrients
they have that might be extracted for our personal use."
"Remember
that postcard Grandpa sent us from Florida of that alligator
biting that woman's bottom? That's right, we all thought
it was hilarious. But it turns out we were wrong. That
alligator was sexually harrassing that woman."
A forensic science graduate caught a care assistant
thieving from her sick grandmother - with the help of a camera hidden
inside a teddy bear.
Emma Sampson, 21, set out to nab the thief after her grandmother, 75-year-old
Thelma Sampson, noticed that money was missing from her home in Walton,
Liverpool, England.
The forensic science graduate cleverly put her science skills to work
and called in the help of teddy and a hidden camera.
Emma and her dad Robert devised the scheme after his mom Thelma, who has
end stage leukemia, noticed £40 had gone missing from her purse.
