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Simpsons Funny Quotes...3

HOMER SIMPSON HUMOR

  • "The lesson is: Our God is vengeful! O spiteful one, show
    me who to smite and they shall be smoten!!!"
  • "Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything,
    Kent. 14% of people know that."
  • "Don't worry, son. I'm sure he's up in heaven right now laughing it up with all the other celebrities: John Dilinger, Ty Cobb, Joseph Stalin." (on death of cat).
  • "And how is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?"
  • "I won't sleep in the same bed with a woman who thinks I'm lazy! I'm going right downstairs, unfold the couch, unroll the sleeping ba- uh, goodnight."
  • "It's like something out of that twilighty show about that zone."
  • "Yes, honey...Just squeeze your rage up into a bitter little ball and release it at an appropriate time, like that day I hit the referee with the whiskey bottle."
  • "OK, son. Just remember to have fun out there today, and if you lose, I'LL KILL YOU!"
  • "Me lose brain? Uh, oh! Ha ha ha! Why I laugh?"
  • "Kids, kids. As far as Daddy's concerned, you're both potential murderers."
  • "No! No no no no no no! Well, yes."
  • "Ah, beer, my one weakness. My achilles heel, if you will."
  • "Well, I'm tired of being a wannabe league bowler. I wanna be a league bowler!"
  • "They have the Internet on computers, now?"
  • "Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true!"
  • "When I look at the smiles on all the children's faces,,...I just know they're about to jab me with something."
  • "Son, this is the only time I'm ever gonna say this. It is not okay to lose."
  • "Well you know boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like women. You just have to read the manual and press the right button."
  • "If something is to hard to do, then it's not worth doing.
  • "Dear Baby, Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: You"
  • "All right, let's not panic. I'll make the money by selling one of my livers. I can get by with one."
  • "Marge, you being a cop makes you the man! Which makes me the woman - and I have no interest in that, besides occasionally wearing the underwear, which as we discussed, is strictly a comfort thing."
  • "Operator! Give me the number for 911!"
  • "Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream?"
  • "Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girls sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such."
  • "Aw, Dad, you've done a lot of great things, but you're a very old man, and old people are useless."
  • "It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to squeeze in 8 hours of TV a day."
  • "Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races."
  • "Here's to alcohol: the source of, and answer to, all of life's problems."
  • "I'm having the best day of my life, and I owe it all to not going to Church!"
  • "If this were really a nuclear war we'd all be dead meat by now."
  • Simpsons quotes Pages 1 2 3 4 5


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