"Now
Bart, since you broke Grandpa's teeth, he gets
to
break
yours."
"Let
us all bask in television's warm glowing warming glow."
"And
Lord, we are especially thankful for nuclear power, the
cleanest, safest energy source there is. Except for solar,
which is just a pipe dream."
"Sometimes
the only way you can feel good about yourself is by making
someone else look bad. And I'm tired of making other people
feel good about themselves!"
"Ah,
good ol' trustworthy beer. My love for you will never
die."
"I
want to share something with you: The three little sentences
that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me.
Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that
when I got here."
"Quiet
you kids. If I hear one more word, Bart doesn't get to
watch cartoons, and Lisa doesn't get to go to college."
"Don't
you ever, EVER talk that way about television."
"Your
mother has this crazy idea that gambling is wrong. Even
though they say it's okay in the bible."
"No matter how good you are at something, there's
always about a million people better than you."
"Marge, there's an empty spot I've always had inside
me. I tried to fill it with family, religion, community
service, but those were dead ends! I think this chair
is the answer."
"I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids.
So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how
I'm going to Hell?"
"When
it comes to compliments, women are ravenous blood-sucking
monsters always want'n more... more... MORE! And if you
give it to them, you'll get plenty back in return."
"If something goes wrong at the plant, blame the
guy who can't speak English."
"Kids,
kids. I'm not going to die. That only happens to bad people."
"Marge,
I'm going to miss you so much. And it's not just the sex.
It's also the food preparation."
"Ah, TV respects me. It laughs with me, not at me!"
"Marge, I agree with you -- in theory. In theory,
communism works. In theory."
"You
think I don't want to? It's those TV networks, Marge:
they won't let me. One quality show after another, each
one fresher and more brilliant than the last. If they
only stumbled once, just gave us thirty minutes to ourselves,
but they won't! They won't let me live!"
"Television!
Teacher, mother, secret lover."
"I
want to shake off the dust of this one-horse town. I want
to explore the world. I want to watch TV in a different
time zone. I want to visit strange, exotic malls...I want
to live, Marge! Won't you let me live?"
"I've
always wondered if there was a god. And now I know there
is -- and it's me."
"Lisa
honey, are you saying you're never going to eat any animal
again? What about bacon?"
"All
normal people love meat. If I went to a barbeque and there
was no meat, I would say 'Yo Goober! Where's the meat!?'.
I'm trying to impress people here Lisa. You don't win
friends with salad."
''To
Start Press Any Key''. Where's the ANY key?
"You
can't keep blaming yourself. Just blame yourself once,
and move on."
"Now,
son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for daddies
and kids with fake IDs."
"English
- Who needs that? I'm never going to England!"
"I
think Mr. Smithers picked me for my motivational skills.
Everyone always says they have to work twice as hard when
I'm around!"
"Go
ahead and play the blues if it'll make you happy."
"I
have feelings too - like ''My stomach hurts'' or ''I'm
going crazy!'
What's a penis worth? $795,000, according to a court
ruling.
The court in Bucharest, Romania, ordered a doctor to pay that amount
in compensation after surgery that went horribly wrong.
The Romanian surgeon was ordered to hand over the money to a patient
whose penis he accidentally severed during a botched operation.
The court was told that in July 2004, Dr. Naum Ciomu made a surgical
error while operating on the man's testicles, severing the penis instead
of making an incision to the testicle.
