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Simpsons Funny Quotes...1

HOMER SIMPSON HUMOR

  • "I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for TEN MINUTES."
  • "Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!"
  • "Unfortunately, son, we Simpsons sometimes have to bend the rules a little in order to hold our own."
  • "Dear Lord: The gods have been good to me. For the first time in my life, everything is absolutely perfect just the way it is. So here's the deal:
  • You freeze everything the way it is, and I won't ask for anything more. If that is OK, please give me absolutely no sign. OK, deal. In gratitude, I present you this offering of cookies and milk. If you want me to eat them for you, give me no sign. Thy will be done."
  • "The strong must protect the sweet"
  • "Ah, sweet pity. Where would my love life have been without it?"
  • "Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step over your own mother just to get one! But you can't stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!"
  • "Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen."
  • "Remember as far as anyone knows, we're a nice normal family."
  • "I know what you're saying, Bart. When I was young, I wanted an electric football machine more than anything else in the world, and my parents bought it for me, and it was the happiest day of my life. Well, goodnight."
  • "Your lives are in the hands of men no smarter than you or I, many of them incompetent boobs. I know this because I worked alongside them, gone bowling with them, watched them pass me over for promotions time and again. And I say... This stinks!"
  • "D'oh!!!"
  • "That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college!"
  • "You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'."
  • "God bless those pagans."
  • "I'm in a place where I don't know where I am!"
  • "I am so smart, I am so smart, s-m-r-t....I mean s-m-A-r-t."
  • "Oh, everything's too damned expensive these days. This Bible cost 15 bucks! And talk about a preachy book! Everybody's a sinner! Except this guy."
  • "Mmmm, free goo."
  • "It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day."
  • "I can't believe it! Reading and writing actually paid off!"
  • "Don't let Krusty's death get you down, boy. People die all the time, just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow! Well, good night.
  • "Yeah Moe that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked! I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked!"
  • "Ha ha! Look at this country! ? U R Gay!? Ha ha!" (looking at Uruguay on the globe).
  • "Don't mess with the dead, boy, they have eerie powers."
  • "Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?"
  • "If you really want something in this life, you have to work for it - Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers!"
  • "Relax. What is mind? No matter. What is matter? Never mind!"
  • "Good drink... good meat... good God, let's eat!"
  • Simpsons quotes Pages 1 2 3 4 5


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