"I'm
going to the backseat of my car with the woman
I
love, and I won't be back for TEN MINUTES."
"Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could
buy all kinds of useful things like...love!"
"Unfortunately, son, we Simpsons sometimes have to
bend the rules a little in order to hold our own."
"Dear Lord: The gods have been good to me. For the
first time in my life, everything is absolutely perfect
just the way it is. So here's the deal:
You
freeze everything the way it is, and I won't ask for anything
more. If that is OK, please give me absolutely no sign. OK,
deal. In gratitude, I present you this offering of cookies
and milk. If you want me to eat them for you, give me no sign.
Thy will be done."
"The
strong must protect the sweet"
"Ah,
sweet pity. Where would my love life have been without it?"
"Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they
look good, you'd step over your own mother just to get one!
But you can't stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!"
"Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to
listen."
"Remember as far as anyone knows, we're a nice normal
family."
"I
know what you're saying, Bart. When I was young, I wanted
an electric football machine more than anything else in
the world, and my parents bought it for me, and it was the
happiest day of my life. Well, goodnight."
"Your lives are in the hands of men no smarter than
you or I, many of them incompetent boobs. I know this because
I worked alongside them, gone bowling with them, watched
them pass me over for promotions time and again. And I say...
This stinks!"
"D'oh!!!"
"That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough.
I'm going to clown college!"
"You tried your best and you failed miserably. The
lesson is 'never try'."
"God bless those pagans."
"I'm
in a place where I don't know where I am!"
"I am so smart, I am so smart, s-m-r-t....I mean s-m-A-r-t."
"Oh, everything's too damned expensive these days.
This Bible cost 15 bucks! And talk about a preachy book!
Everybody's a sinner! Except this guy."
"Mmmm, free goo."
"It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled
child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV
a day."
"I can't believe it! Reading and writing actually paid
off!"
"Don't let Krusty's death get you down, boy. People
die all the time, just like that. Why, you could wake up
dead tomorrow! Well, good night.
"Yeah Moe that team sure did suck last night. They
just plain sucked! I've seen teams suck before, but they
were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked!"
"Ha ha! Look at this country! ? U R Gay!? Ha ha!"
(looking at Uruguay on the globe).
"Don't mess with the dead, boy, they have eerie powers."
"Donuts.
Is there anything they can't do?"
"If
you really want something in this life, you have to work
for it - Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery
numbers!"
"Relax. What is mind? No matter. What is matter? Never
mind!"
