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Sex without love
is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it's
one of the best.
Sex
between a man and a woman
can be absolutely wonderful - provided you get between the
right man and the right woman.
My
love life is terrible.
The last time I was inside a woman
was when I visited the Statue of Liberty.
Love
is the answer
- but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some
pretty interesting questions.
I'm
such a good lover because
I practise a lot on my own.
The
food in this place is
really terrible. Yes, and such small portions. That's essentially
how I feel about life.
(Annie Hall)
If
it turns out that there is a God,
I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can
say about him is that basically he's an underachiever.
(Love and Death)
I'm
short enough and ugly
enough to succeed on my own.
(Play it Again Sam)
I'm
really a timid person
- I was beaten up by Quakers.
(Sleepers)
My
brain
- it's my second favorite organ.
(Sleeper)
Q.
Have you ever taken a serious political
stand on anything?
A. Yeah. Sure. For twenty-four hours once I refused to eat
grapes.
(Sleeper)
Eternal
nothingness
is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
(Getting Even, 'My Philosophy')
Not
only is there no God,
but try getting a plumber on weekends.
(New Yorker, 'My Philosophy')
The
lion and the calf shall
lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.
(Without Feathers, 'The Scrolls')
It's
not that I'm afraid to die.
I just don't want to be there when it happens.
(Death)
The
thing to remember is that each time of life has its appropriate
rewards, whereas when you're dead
it's hard to find the light switch. The chief problem about
death, incidentally, is the fear that there may be no afterlife
- a depressing thought, particularly for those who have
bothered to shave. Also, there is the fear that there is
an afterlife but no one will know where it's being held.
On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can
be done as easily lying down.
(The Early Essays)
Money
is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
(The Early Essays)
I
was thrown out of college for cheating
on the metaphysics exam: I looked into the soul of another
boy.
(Woody Allen: Clown Prince of American Humor)
My
parents were very old world.
They come from Brooklyn, which is the heart of the Old World.
Their values in life are God and carpeting.
(Woody Allen: Clown Prince of American Humor)
I
have never been an intellectual
but I have this look.
A
fast word about oral contraception.
I asked a girl to sleep with me and she said 'no'.
(Woody Allen Volume Two)
I
am at two with nature.
(Woody Allen: Clown Prince of American Humor)
Some
guy hit my fender, and I told him 'be
fruitful, and multiply.' But not in those words.
(Woody Allen: Clown Prince of American Humor)
I
wanted to be an arch-criminal as a child, before I discovered
I was too short.
(Woody Allen: Clown Prince of American Humor)
I
asked the girl if she could bring
a sister for me. She did. Sister Maria Teresa.
It was a very slow evening. We discussed the New Testament.
We agreed that He was very well adjusted for an only child.
(Woody Allen: Clown Prince of American Humor)
And
my parents finally realize that I'm kidnapped
and they snap into action immediately: they rent out my
room.
(Woody Allen and His Comedy)
Woody
Allen quotes Pages
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