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TOP TEN TRICKS TO LIVEN UP A MEETING

  1. Stand up and act indignant. Demand that the boss tell you the 'real' reason this meeting has been called.

  2. Spill coffee on the conference table. Produce a little paper boat and sail it down the table.

  3. During a meeting, each time the boss makes an important point, (or at least one he/she seems to consider important), make a little noise like you are building up to an orgasm.

  4. Stay behind as everyone else, including the boss, leaves. Thank them for coming.

  5. Give a broad wink to someone else at the table. In time, wink at everyone. Sometimes shake your head just a little, as if to indicate that the speaker is slightly crazy and everybody knows it.

  6. Arrange to have a poorly-dressed young woman with an infant quietly enter the meeting, stare directly at the (male) speaker for a while, burst into tears, then leave the room.

  7. Bring a hand puppet, preferably an animal. Ask it to clarify difficult points.

  8. When there is a call for questions, lean back in your chair, prop your feet up on the table, smile contentedly, and say, "Well, here's the way I see it, J.B..." (or any other impressive-sounding initials that are not actually your boss's.)

  9. Complain loudly that your neighbour won't stop touching you. Demand that the boss make him/her stop doing it.

  10. Bring a small mountain of computer printouts to the meeting. If possible, include some old-fashioned fanfold paper for dramatic effect. Every time the speaker makes a point, pretend to check it in one of the printouts. Pretend to find substantiating evidence there. Nod vigorously, and say "uh-huh, uh-huh!"

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