INCREASING PRODUCTIVITY

As productivity has not increased since the implementation of the seven-day week, the stoppage of all company health and retirement plant, the 20 per cent pay cut, the ten-year pay freeze, the installation of video cameras in company restrooms, the hiring of the corporate truant officers to check up on all employees calling in sick, and the random drug and dirty underwear screenings, management has decided that the beatings and mandatory self-flagellations will continue until moral improves.